Updated: Oct 24
Falling in love – oh, what a tangled web we weave!
But falling in love as a newly divorced single mom? Now, that's a whole different ball game, and the emotions that come with it are like a turbulent storm, both heartbreaking and inspiring in their own right.
I want to make one thing clear right off the bat – I'm no relationship expert, and I don't pretend to be. All I have are my experiences, my story, and my words, that mean so much to me.
So, sit back, grab a cup of coffee, light up a joint, pour a glass of wine... whatever your poison is, and let's chat about life after divorce, where the heartache runs deep, but the promise of happiness is never too far away.
When I walked away from my marriage, I'd already been through the wringer emotionally.
I'd done all the usual breakup stuff while I was still married – the anger, the heartbreak, the desperate attempts to fix what was beyond repair. By the time I left, I had no more tears to shed for that part of my life, but I had an ocean of emotions just waiting to be explored, each wave carrying a memory I couldn't quite let go of.
Living in a home where I couldn't be my true self, constantly tiptoeing around to avoid conflict, and living in fear – it's a feeling I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. It lingers, they say, like a ghost haunting the corners of my heart. But I was determined to shake it off and let my spirit soar once more, even if my wings felt battered and weary.
I felt cheated, like the universe had made a colossal mistake and handed me the wrong life. The one thing that kept me grounded, though, was knowing that I was meant to be Marlo's mother. She was destined to change my life, and that's the silver lining that keeps me going, a flicker of hope in the midst of the darkest night.
The idea of letting another man into my world was daunting, to say the least. But I had made up my mind not to let my past control my future. I wasn't actively searching for love; honestly, I wasn't even sure if pure, honest, judgment-free love existed outside of fairytales. My heart was cautious, as fragile as porcelain, afraid to shatter once more.
And then, when I least expected it, love found me, sweeping me off my feet like a whirlwind of emotions. It was as if the universe had whispered, "You've waited long enough, my dear," in a tone that was both heartrending and filled with promise.
They say you find out who your real friends are after a divorce, and I couldn't agree more. It's like vultures circling their prey; they don't stick around when you're thriving. But I learned to stand tall, to embrace the newfound strength that came with my journey of self-discovery, even as I mourned the bonds that had been severed.
As I began to live for myself, crafting the life I envisioned for my daughter and me, people's opinions of me started to shift.
It's funny how some folks preferred me when I was sad or alone – to them, that was when I was "better." But I was determined to be better on my terms, not theirs. I was determined to love myself fiercely, with a love that radiated from within, even if it meant shedding the expectations of others.
Someone once told me the importance of being loved properly.
These past few years have been a revelation – I've discovered how easily I can give love, but how hard it's been for me to receive it or believe I deserve it. But I've come to realize that I am deserving of love, and I should never settle for anything less, even if it means tearing down the walls around my heart.
Looking back at my past relationships, there's one common thread – I'd always shrunk myself to make my partner comfortable. It wasn't until I met someone who genuinely wanted to understand how to love me the way I needed that I realized I'd spent a lifetime loving the way I wanted to love, instead of receiving love as it came. It was a moment of profound clarity, a turning point in my life's narrative, where sorrow met hope in a delicate dance.
Loving this incredible man the way he deserves, and being loved in return in all the ways I've ever craved – it's an experience I'll never take for granted. It's a symphony of emotions, a masterpiece that's still being written with each passing day, a melody that stirs both tears and laughter in my soul.
Life has a funny way of surprising you when you least expect it. I've been humbled by the reality that once seemed like a figment of my imagination.
So, here's the deal – I can't predict the future beyond giving Marlo and me the best life possible. What I do know is that I'm immensely grateful for this man and the beautiful role he's played in our lives. Our story is an ongoing adventure, a thrilling chapter in the book of our lives, where the shadows of the past make the light of the present even more precious.
Stay tuned for more pieces in this series titled My Unconventional Journey, where every twist and turn is a testament to the resilience of the human heart, and where love is a force that can heal even the deepest wounds. I want this to be for you as it is for me, a beacon of hope in a world that can sometimes feel so dark.
I'm excited to share the extraordinary and unconventional journey that is my life with all of you.